The little -known benefits of being a loner
Humans are communal beings. It is in the communities we live in and in society that we develop ourselves. As a result, relating to other men is critical to our well-being. We have a vacuum or a natural predisposition to relate. We have also learnt that through nurture. For any reason, being alone and separate from people is not our natural desire. We hate being alone, even if it’s for good reasons.
It is not bad to have a desire to be around people; it is good and healthy. But it may become a bad thing and unhealthy also, if we do not learn to live with this natural desire. Nevertheless, to live a healthy life and to be healthy individuals, it’s necessary that we learn to be alone. I didn’t say lonely, but alone.
We need social life and lone life to develop and grow. Our personalities are shaped both by communal life and by lone life. Always remember that we are individuals first and then members of a society. A whole society is made up of whole individuals and whole individuals are autonomous before they are co-dependent.
There’s a reason why even though we come from the same family, raised by the same parents in the same community, each one of us still has a different personality and mindset. Each one has his/her own dream. Individuality is natural too.
It is important then that each of us manages his/her life. Life calls you to be a loner.
There is power in solitude in your thinking and living. But to achieve this, first you need to set boundaries, both eternal and external.
We should set boundaries for ourselves, not for others; doing so will teach others how to deal with us, but it will also teach us how to deal with ourselves. This will also establish individuality.
Second, you need discipline, self-government, or self-control. This benefits both you and society. Without this, you will achieve nothing in life. But also, no society wants to have a loose member.
Yes, we need people to achieve certain things, but those things in life can only be achieved with self discipline. For any other discipline to work, you need a disciplined individual. Consider athletes; they achieve their success not because of what they do in practice, but because of what they do in their personal lives outside of practice. When they lack personal discipline, training ground discipline will fix nothing.
To be disciplined, you need a clear goal and a clear set of values.
Third, you need to learn to enjoy physical isolation and separation to find quietness, stillness, and silence.
However, this goes against the natural desire of being around people, yet to be a healthy person and successful in what we do, we need to learn the art of being alone, to separate ourselves from the crowds, and so that we may have time to work alone, to think alone, to evaluate alone, to read, to plan, to decide, to judge, and to rest alone.
Every great person I have ever known, every successful person and leader I have ever heard of, practiced the art of being alone. Well, you may say, “I do not want to be great, so why should I practice this?” I get you, but I do not suggest that this will make you great, but I know for sure it will make you better and healthier.
And if there’s a generation that needs to practice more separation and solitude, it is this generation. Our minds are preoccupied with all sorts of information and unfocused, our spaces are clattered with gadgets and things, our relationships are crowded because of social media, and our lives are distracted as a result of all that. We are crowded at every level. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, and communally, so many things are crying for our attention, and many others intrude on our comfort without warning.
Being lonely is not what I advocate here. Loneliness is being miserable. The feeling of unworthiness, isolated by people, is emptiness on the inside. It is a feeling that you do not have control over. So this is not what I mean when I talk about being alone. I think the separation to be alone that I’m talking about should be intentional, purposeful, planned and controlled by you. It is not also the arrogance that you do not need anybody, but it should be because you want to seek out yourself so that you can handle issues, both business and personal, more appropriately, wisely, and effectively.
We are so distracted and preoccupied with other things in today’s world that we have lost touch with our deep self. We are even unaware of the things going on around us beyond the surface. Other things have had such an impact on us that we have become addicted to them. It’s like without them, there’s no life. They have become like second nature to us, and we have even forgotten who we really are. We are numb. We can’t feel ourselves. Nevertheless, we can redeem ourselves from these shackles by creating the boundaries and discipline of getting off the grid just to spend time with you. It won’t be easy at first, but it will be worth the effort in the end. Trust me, because life is more fulfilling if you live connected to yourself.
But that is not the only value of spending time in solitude habitually. Here is another value: creativity, wisdom, understanding, innovation, discovering, and solutions. Many innovations and discoveries have not been achieved in crowds but somewhere in isolation. Crowds distract, yet our minds work better when focused. Free and empower your mind through solitude. Sometimes the view of things is better from isolation than at the top of the mountain. I encourage you to develop this habit; it is helpful. I have personally benefited from this, and it came so easily to me because of my personality. I know some of you may struggle to form this habit because of your personality too, but you can develop it too. For some, because you are so used to being distracted, you may get scared, but you can do it too. All of us can do it.
You are a capable individual. Your mind is so powerful; you can solve your challenges. The problem is, you are too distracted, your mind is too preoccupied, and your life is cluttered. As a result, you have been piling up things in your heart and mind; you have been hoarding issues instead of solving them. Now they have impeded the healthy function of your mind and heart.
Many people who do not practice individuality and solitude suffer from loneliness. solitude is healthy to your emotion, future, relationship and work.
As I conclude, let me warn you of this. If you are not careful, you may get distracted in isolation. Go into isolation to be focused on something. I cannot tell you what you should focus on. Choose for yourself, but focus on that. It is healthy to be a loner; whole individuals make a better society. Trust me, if most of us developed this habit, things would be different and much better.
make your life count.
